When Agendas Collide
You have your own agenda.
I have my own agenda.
Does that make you feel a little uncomfortable?
Having an agenda outside of a meeting has a negative connotation, but it's true. That's what makes us all unique. We have our own agenda when it comes to what we're creating in life, what we want out of our relationships, friendships, businesses or jobs - it really is just another term for what we're trying to achieve. So what happens when agendas collide, even if it's with people close to you?
My old pattern was to neatly fold my agenda away, see how I could help my friend, colleague, loved one until my energy was spent. Then I'd whip mine out again with a resignation of another day done, we'll try again tomorrow. Sound familiar?
This is the pattern of the over-giving, people pleaser. Raise your hand and say aye - aye!
But not anymore - Nay. Nay, Nay!
Now, if your agenda clashes with mine, I'll politely explain what I can and can't do for you and see what we can work out. No, I can't do that thing for you then, but I could do this instead... No, what you did there was not acceptable behavior to me, so shape up or ship out.
Oh that last sentence would've made me sweat about 12 months ago.
This morning I essentially enforced the shape up or ship out rule with someone I absolutely would not have 12 months ago and it felt really good. Really, really, good.
When we honour our own agenda, or a synonym you've heard before and probably scoffed at - our boundaries, it allows others to do the same. If they don't: thanks; see you; bye. The only people who have a problem with you enforcing your boundaries are people who were enjoying taking advantage of your lack of them. Your agenda deserves much more respect than that.
How did that conversation end this morning? It didn't end. They realised their error and genuinely apologised and we moved on to the next topic, the conversation is still going.
What seems so scary, can often be the simplest thing with a little bit of courage.
Have you let your agenda slide a little recently?